cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
