I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Bring me that man meat
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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