Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
