you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
sex in a hospital.. check
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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