Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
