after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
