I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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