Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
