Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
