where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
