There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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