Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
