buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
