I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
