There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
