Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
