please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
