loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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