i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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