Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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