Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
