Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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