found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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