this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
