How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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