dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
