I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
