I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
