dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
