You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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