you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
