you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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