I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
