Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize