Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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