from now on my penis is your penis
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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