Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
