im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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