There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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