Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
