This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
