tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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