I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
