Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I think I sprained my soul last night
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
