ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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