Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
