omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
