Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
