Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
