I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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