dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
