ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
