Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
