that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
