Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
