My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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