i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
