Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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