I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
