I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
