I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
