You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
What a dumb baby whore.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
