John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
