how do flat chested girls get laid?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
