So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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