All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize