dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
