Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
