I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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