just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
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