either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
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